Homesick?

Do you ever get homesick? I think when homesickness comes up most people associate it with young people going off to camp or school or into the military. I can associate with the last one very distinctly. I remember being so homesick in the military I cried. The longer I stayed, the less homesick I was. And I would imagine that is true for most people.

When I went to the Pacific I had orders for an 18 month assignment. As it turned out, after I was there a couple of months the tour was shortened to a 12 month tour. Those already on assignment had their tour prorated. Mine was dropped from 18 months to 15 months. I was pretty homesick the first month or so, but as I made friends and made contact with a missionary from our church I settled into the flow of things.

When I returned to the US I was assigned to a base in southwest Oklahoma just 4 hours from home, and in the same town one of my mother’s sisters lived. I ended up not staying on base but staying with my aunt and uncle for the rest of my enlistment. So I wasn’t homesick much at all.

During my stay in southwest Oklahoma I met my future wife. After being discharged I moved to Baltimore, married and settled into life near the east coast.

But there were times when I would get homesick. Being about 20 or so hours from my home by car we didn’t get to visit very often. I missed my family and the area in which I grew up.

I remember one time crying like a baby when leaving my parents and heading back to West Virginia. It hurt to leave again.

Time brought a lot of changes in my life as it does to everyone’s. We moved to West Virginia as I just mentioned, then later we moved to Virginia. We had children and began to become a family ourselves. The nucleus changed from my parent’s home to my own. Most of the time I was too busy to be homesick. Most of the time I was involved in taking care of my own family to think too much about the family into which I was born.

Events that typically are celebrated with extended families were difficult. My parents and siblings could not be with us as we welcomed our children into our lives. My parents and siblings did not get to witness and celebrate our children’s accomplishments as they grew. I and my family missed out on being with my parents as they grew older. My own family missed out on weddings, births, graduations and accomplishments of my first family. We even missed out on funerals. I was able to be at my dad’s funeral but no one else. Georgiann was able to be with me at my mom’s funeral but none of our children. And only Todd was able to accompany Georgiann and me to my brother’s funeral.

All of us missed the funeral of my first nephew. All of us missed the funeral of my brother-in-law.

I now have only the remnants of a family. I know that comes to a lot of people as they grow old. But if you have been close as your family slips away, and you have celebrated the good times and shared the bad times it seems easier.

Beyond family and family events I find myself with an enduring homesickness for the Midwest. I love the mountains in which I live. I love to spend time in them and see them on a daily basis. But I still miss the wide open plains. I miss Kansas as well. Kansas and Oklahoma have much in common as far as landscapes go. I miss standing on the only high point in miles, the overpass of a road as it crosses a set of railroad tracks, and looking down the tracks until they merge together into a single track and fade into the distance. Turning to the left or right and as far as you can see looking over the tops of wheat or hay tassels.

I miss the narrow two lane roads that are so straight the concrete fades in the distance as the heat waves cause it to shimmer out of focus. The narrow two lane roads with grass that begins at the edge of the pavement and goes as down into the shallow ditch and under the 3 strand barbwire which is held up by old locust and oak post cut from branches just the right size with knots on the sides where other branches were trimmed.

Narrow two lane concrete roads with a seam every 20 or 30 feet which make a distinctive clunk clunk as the tires roll over them, first the front tires then the back tires.

The electric poles with the creosote fading from them with the foot pegs up the side and the electric wires attached to the cross beam with glass insulators.

And the cows standing in the heat of summer slowly chewing as they slowly turn to watch your car go by. Red cows and brown. Black cows. Beef cows. Mostly all beef cows. Dairy cows require more pasture than beef. The grass in Oklahoma and Kansas mostly grows too slow to support much dairy. Beef cows are the majority.

I miss all of that. I get homesick for that. And it seems odd to me. Odd because I would have thought that homesickness was about missing people. Family and friends. Relationships and events. Laughter and sadness. But I seem to miss places.

And the most odd thing about this homesickness is the homesickness I have for a place I have only been in about 22 days total.

How can a person miss a place so foreign and so different after only experiencing it for 22 days? I don’t know. But I do. I miss Kenya like I miss Oklahoma and Kansas. And if given the choice of living in any of the three places, it would be a difficult choice for me.

There are many reasons why I could be happy in each place, and just as many why I would not be happy in any of them.

But before you think I am unhappy where I am, let me assure you I am not. My family, my own family, is here. My job is here. My church is here. I love the mountains. And what about the ocean, you say. You are close to the ocean. Well, the ocean I like in 2 or 3 day doses. After a couple or three days at the ocean I am ready to get back to the mountains.

Homesickness. A weird thing. With no cure as far as I know.

Between Christmases

*** Just wanted to post a few pictures in between having Christmas with part of the family and having Christmas with all the family. Todd, Diana, Abigail, Jill and Amari were with Georgiann and I for Christmas on Christmas day. Chad, Lesa and Madison were having Christmas with Lesa's family in Bemus Point, NY. New Years eve we will have Christmas with everyone here.

I won't detail what we got, but it was a nice Christmas. Just wanted to show some pics. I have also included a couple of pictures of our good friend Sergio of Sergio's Pizza in Bridgewater. I need to go back and get pictures of his sister who works with him and pictures of the restaurant. I have plans to write a story about them.

Christmas 2008 countdown

From talking to young people who come into the store with moms and dads shopping I know that most are getting really excited about Christmas. I know I always got excited, I guess until my teens, then I hit a low point in Christmas expectations while in the service. Being in a tropical climate with temperatures in the high 70s year round and being below the equator so that Christmas fell right in the middle of summer, seemed to take all the magic out of Dreaming of a White Christmas. But it didn't seem to detour those responsible for playing Christmas music all over the US military base.

That was Christmas of the 20th year of my life. By the time my 21st Christmas came around I was on the plains of southwest Oklahoma. I can't remember what the weather was like. Cold I'm sure with a significant windchill. One more Christmas there, then the rest were in Maryland, West Virginia and Virginia. All much more Christmas weather like places. Especially in our home in West Virginia when we lived up in Preston County.

But by this evening, December 21, I am sure the visions of Wiis, PlayStations and a host of other electronic gadgets as well as snowboards, skis, roller blades and skateboards are dancing in small heads all over this country. I really don't know about other countries, what the children dream for or want.

We will be down 3 for Christmas as Chad, Lesa and Madison go to New York to have Christmas with the Lipsey family. I know that will be a nice time for them. We just pray their travels are safe in the less than ideal conditions that might come their way. And we think of everyone travelling to be with family and friends this time of year and hope for safety for them.

Have you ever meet someone you knew in the past and can't remember how you know them? In the last couple of weeks I have spoken with a woman that looks extremely familiar, and her name is very familiar to me. She says the same thing about me, but neither of us can find a point in our lives that seem to cross. We even got her husband in on the process but he only suggested pretty much the same things we had covered. It isn't important to either of us, I am sure, but it drives a person crazy. I won't mention her name here, but it's weird.

I have to work Monday and Tuesday then again on Friday. The next week I work at least 5 days in a row, and most likely 6. The week schedule that includes the 6th day hasn't been post yet. But after being off for 7 days in a row, then working 2, off 1, working 2, off 2 I guess I deserve a long run of work. I have plenty to do.

I will endeavor to get some pictures of our Christmas, especially the granddaughters and post them here.

I look forward to 2009. I am hoping to finish my current book early in the year because I have 3 more books on parallel topics I want to explore. I discuss the books on my other blog, Dendrite Activity found here http://fiberflashes.blogspot.com/.

It is open to anyone who would like to read it, but the focus is probably narrow for most. I mostly just lay out what I am discovering in reading books concerning ancient text. Some of the texts became canon scripture, others were rejected. I have found my scriptural interest lies in ancient text that references events recorded in the Old Testament. Comments are turned off, because I don't see it a a forum for discussion as much as it is a place for me to write out my own discoveries so that I can examine them.

But 2009 is shaping up for me in my mind to be a year of more study, more books read, and a lot more biking done. I really hope to bike a significant amount of the trail system in Washington DC this next spring, summer and fall. If anyone wants to join me I'd be happy to hear from you.

Merry Christmas to each of you.

Mary Christmas

Erectus Correctus

I stand corrected. Chad commented that he does not regard DC as a gun toting jungle full of thugs. I apologize, Chad. I was again being glib and it backfired on me, again. I know you love to spend time with Lesa and Madison. And you should and I am extremely proud of you for that. I sincerely believe both you and Todd will make better Dads than I did. Because of the love you both show for your girls.

We, Todd and I, would love to have you along if you feel you can on our next trip. I felt much safer on the trails we were on there than I do on the back roads here. Not only from vehicular traffic but also from the people around me. Bikers, joggers, walkers and all sorts of people use those trails on a daily basis and the incidents of problems is extremely minuscule.

My apologies for misrepresenting you in any way.

Washington Biking

Well we both survived our trip to and in Washington, DC. Actually, it was a great day. The temperature was chilly. We were dressed in layers, but I stayed a bit on the cool side all day. And as the shadows got longer as we biked south in Rock Creek Park I was wishing I had brought my windbreaker. It was in the truck. Great place.

We were more than a little confused about the directions both on the trail and to the trail. What we did find out is that the Capital Crescent Trail is the first several miles of the Great Washington Loop trail that we were planning to bike.

The CCT was a great place to bike. We passed a lot of joggers and walkers and were passed by a lot of bikers. I only remember passing a couple of bikers all day, except for the many going the other direction.

We reached Bethesda in about an hour, and then opted to continue on to the bridge over Rock Creek Park with plans to return to Bethesda for lunch. The best laid plans of mice and men.

We stopped a gentleman on the bridge who suggested we take the Rock Creek Park trail back to Georgetown. Probably not the thing we should have done, but it worked out fine. First problem was no place to eat. Second problem it never seemed like we were making any progress. But that was because the scenery wasn't changing too much and we weren't familiar with the park.

After being convinced we were lost beyond finding we finally took to heart the repeated instructions we were getting to STAY ON THE TRAIL. We stayed on the trail for what seemed to be many miles and suddenly popped back into civilization right in Georgetown about 2 blocks from the truck.

It was a great ride. Yes, my quads were screaming by the time we finished. And my gluteus maximus is still sore. But I'd do it again in a minute. No make that several days. I doubt I could sit on my bike at the moment.

You can look at the pictures Todd took with this link:

http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLanding.action?c=yv11rtl.1o8rlmk1&x=0&y=-mcwy4d&localeid=en_US

If I could have copied them here I'd have captioned some of them. But you can sort them out for yourself.

I spent part of this evening in the workshop sanding on my railings. I like to work listening to my mp-3 player with my ear protectors on. The ear protectors block out the sounds of the equipment so all I hear is pure music.

This evening I was listening to Enya's album A Day without Rain. I had a conversation one very cold evening with a friend with this very album in the background. It was an amazing conversation, one that will most likely stick in my mind for a very long time. I realize I am a very melancholy person, and I have been accused of living in the past too much. But some things will stick with me until my mind no longer processes information. Some memories will never die. One of the songs from that album has a song sort of related to that fact. Here are the words to Fallen Embers.

Once, as my heart remember, All the stars were fallen embers.
Once, when night seemed forever, I was with you.
Once, in the care of morning, In the air was all belonging.
Once, when that day was dawning. I was with you.

How far we are from morning. How far are we.
And the stars shining through the darkness, Falling in the air.
Once, as the night was leaving, Into us our dreams were worth keeping.
Once, all dreams were worth keeping. I was with you.
Once, when our hearts were singing, I was with you.

I don't know that I can sort out all she is saying, but the music seems to make the words mystical somehow. I think it must be talking about a love once held and now lost.

On a very different note, do you like Longhorn cheese? When I was growing up I ate copious amounts of Longhorn cheese. But as an adult I eat copious amounts of Cheddar cheese. In searching for the Longhorn I remember from my childhood I found that Longhorn is a Cheddar. I found this on foodreference.com: Longhorn cheese refers to a mild Cheddar or Colby cheese made into a long orange cylinder. Now available in both its original shape and also in rectangles and half rounds. So Longhorn is cheddar, but not just any cheddar. It is actually more correctly referred to as Colby. Colby Longhorn Cheddar I guess.

But today's Colby Longhorn Cheddar does not have exactly the same texture as the Longhorn of my childhood. And the reason is, the Longhorn of my childhood came wrapped in cheese cloth. And as we munched on it and added it to sandwiches we repackaged it for storage in cheesecloth. Today's comes packaged in plastic.

The difference? Plastic doesn't breath, cheesecloth does. So as the cheesecloth breathed the outer sides of the cheese would age a little faster than the insides. So when you ate it, the outer sides had a distinctive dryer taste and a firmness the inside did not have.

And I liked it. Another example, at least for me, when progress isn't necessarily a good thing. I bet you never thought much about the difference between Longhorn cheese in cheesecloth and Colby Longhorn Cheddar in plastic, did you? You can find anything on the Internet if you look deep enough.

Weather Notwithstanding, we are going biking

Weather.com has been moderating the temperature forecast for Washington, DC all week so yesterday I decided to press on and at least get in a day of riding. Todd and I hope to land in DC about mid morning tomorrow and do the 30+ miles of the Great Washington Loop. We hope to have company who know the route intimately but if not we will try to wing it. In the event we get lost, tire out, get cold or wet we'll look for metro signs and kill the run.

If you have been following the blog you know I have been working on a railing for the front porch. It takes me much longer than most people who work in and around construction to accomplish seemingly simple tasks. I work slower and I have never developed the ability to visualize projects from start to finish in my mind as well as others. I need drawings and sketches, and sometimes experimentation. But I am making progress and hope to have the railings up before my vacation ends this week. Georgiann has listed some more small tasks from some projects in the past that are not quite completed yet. I need to work on them.

But tomorrow is play time. I love being on my bike, and I love the many and varied neighborhoods in the Washington area. I'd like to live in one close to a metro station and not own a car. Just a bike. Maybe work downtown and use the metro. Have an ethnic restaurant nearby where everyone knows my name and I know the menu by heart. Where one can lean on the railing of the porch and talk to the neighbor leaning on his or her railing. Where the postal person walks delivering the mail. Where the front yards are small but the houses are big, old and quaint. Somewhere one might pick up a second language just by listening to the neighbors.

I think that is one of the reasons I am excited about this ride. It goes through many neighborhoods. And it is always fun to ride with my boys. Chad was not interested in going. He regards Washington as a gun toting jungle of minority thugs. I think all of that is a direct result of extremely bad publicity and worse case scenario media. I believe most of the people in the world everywhere are decent people. I've proved in many countries.

My last post generated some feedback from a number of sources via email. I guess I had forgotten I posted my email as the place to respond. It's OK, actually. I had turned off the comment ability but have since re-enabled that function.

Most of it was very encouraging and agreeable. Some were from confused readers who missed the point of the blog. I realize much of that lies at my door. I try to write very lucid and transparently, but I think my mind sometimes runs far ahead of my handicapped fingers. If I don't proof read very carefully I end up with ambiguous verbiage. For that I apologize. My goal is to write succinctly and exactly. In trying to write using perfect wording for the thought I purposefully avoid local jargon and butchered syntax. I see so many blogs that are written like people talk, incomplete sentences and made up words, that I try to avoid them.

I also stand by my last blog as true in my understanding. It was not meant to be a statement of situation in my sphere of influence, but an analogy of a situation I see most of us encountering throughout our lives. To the persons who suffered umbrage at my "insinuation some may have to go different directions in order to restore peace" I can only say that it seems to me some differences of opinions are not resolvable because of the depth at which the difference is held.

If, in fact, the difference is regarded in totally different ways, i.e. one party simply can not get a cohesive understanding of the other party's offense to the action, stance or ideology, then the parties may be at an impasse. I know it can happen. I have seen it happen. And no amount of explanation or arguing or reasoning will help the situation if one is not equipped either through experience or training to see the situation the same. Going separate directions is not the end of the world. Sometimes it leads to happiness on both sides.

Besides, this is my blog and I put in it what I see from my nearly 60 years of life. I don't need to be told I should know better. I put that statement in the ground with my mother, rest her soul. Sort of like the statement read during the NPR What Do You Know show. "If anyone thinks otherwise they should get their own show." If you don't care for what is written here, you are free to read somewhere else. Freedom of speech is one if not our greatest freedoms. Hallelujah pass the powder.

Shifting Landscapes

Differences of opinion. When both parties are sure they are right to believe in their actions, how is the resulting conflict resolved? This is a dilemma that every adult faces many times in their lives. When relationships are formed even more divergences arises. When anyone engages in commitments to another the individualities are going to go different directions at times.

Whether it is as simple as a choice of where to have dinner together or as complex as where to live, our opinions as to what we want to do will very often conflict with the person with whom we are committed.

The conflict is exasperated when neither side can fully understand the other’s feelings about the dilemma. In the very mobile society we live in we find people committing to marriage and other types of relationships with people from extremely different backgrounds. With more and more inter-racial commitments we are seeing more differences brought into relationships which are difficult enough already. Sometimes the differences are so sensitive that violent and explosive actions result if the issues are not defused quickly. Even seemingly small differences such as family traditions and opinions on things like public and private displays of affection and personal space can bias a person for life.

And quick diffusion may not be possible when neither party understands the other’s position or sensitive to the situation. It may take a lot of counseling, a lot of time and a lot of mental and emotional position changing to achieve diffusion. If neither party will adjust their positions, reconciliation may never happen. It is then up to both parties to agree to disagree. Not always a bad thing, agreeing to disagree can actually bring strength to commitments and more respect for each person’s position. More respect can lead to more commitment.

It hinges on whether the parties are in fact not able to understand the other’s position, or if they are simply being hard to get along with. Standing by a position after seeing that it isn’t defensible is suicidal. You are going to die at this position, at least in light of the relationship.

There are two ways to consider the action to be taken. It is claimed that Demosthenes said "The man who runs away may fight again." That quote goes back to 338 B.C. “Pick your battles” is another quote we have all heard in every aspect of life from backyard fence to pulpit. And there is validity in the statements. But neither of these actions will necessarily resolve the problem. Either concept may diffuse it for a while, but it won’t be resolved. It will return to haunt the relationship.

I do not have an answer to the problem of differences of opinion when an impasse is encountered. I wish I did. One has to hope that the issues are not earth shacking or relationship ending. Sometimes they are. I have known of people who needed to go their separate directions in order to bring peace to both sides. If the two lives are intertwined with mutual investments and interests such as children, property and accumulations, the separation can be more painful than agreeing to disagree.

In observing people and in living in a commitment for 36 years I believe most problems result from one of two areas. Those are money and outside interests on one or both of the parties.

Money always creates tension when there isn’t enough for the lifestyles desired. And on the flip side money can very often gloss over difficult situations when there is plenty to go around.

Outside interests encompasses more things than anyone could list in a lifetime. But a list very popular ones must be headed by relationships outside of the committed one, family traditions and mannerisms, work, careers, activities (an entire list in itself), and religious beliefs.

Toss in varied backgrounds with difference in more than one of these and stir in personal incompatibilities and vulcanology may shape your personal landscape. And the resultant scenery may be one you don’t want outside your picture window of life.

Conflict resolution may be the greatest and most important skill not taught to us as children.

Another mostly sleepless night

Well, still not sleeping through the night. I worked from 12:30 pm yesterday until almost 10 pm last night. I walked into a mess because, ... well just because. I'll just say if I worked for the Post Office they might be hiring in the next few days. That's what their flag a half mast means in case you ever wondered. I got home last night around 10:30 and to bed by 11:30. Back up about 12 am to work on some documents and a money saving suggestion for Lowe's corporate that suddenly surfaced in my brain. I went back to bed about 12:30 am, back up at 2 until about 3 then the alarm went off at 3:45. Got to work about 4:40 am.

I found out how to submit my idea for money savings to corporate and now we wait to see what happens to it. I think each store could save a few thousand dollars a year, multiplied by the number of stores. A nice hunk of change they could save.

It has been rotten cold here for a few days. My trip to the nation's capitol in 11 days may be in jeopardy. Biking in cold weather doesn't sound like the best fun a person could have. My Ocracoke calendar is on it's last page. I won't be returning to Ocracoke until the end of March. Now what do I do? Leave December up for 4 months? Nah. Maybe someone with get me a calendar for Christmas that I like enough to replace my Ocracoke. I could purchase one of Kerry's calendars. The money for his goes to missions. I may have to consider that on Sunday.

Anyway. I added some music to the blog and switched the order a bit. I hope you enjoy it. I have listened to this Winter Songs album at least 50 times in the last 4 days. I discovered Lenka and several other Indie artists. Some great folksy type music out there right now. And for right now that seems to fit my personality best. Enjoy.